Each person must learn the art of genuine communication. It requires instruction and application to do well. Communicating authentically means being honest, open and thoughtful in what you say – and in how you listen and respond to what you hear. This tool illustrates that four skills that help leaders use authentic communication.
Speak From Your Own Viewpoint
The best leaders share their opinions frankly. They do not try to conceal their concerns. An effective way is to personalize what you say, assuming responsibility for your opinions, values, and positions, instead of generalizing or placing blame outside of yourself. Say, “I feel dissatisfied with the advances we’ve made,” rather than, “This team stinks.”
The advantage of this approach is that it reduces defenses by not placing general or even specific blame on others. No one can argue that you’re not really concerned or that you’re secretly more optimistic than you admit. “I would like us to begin promptly at nine” is clear; “You’re late again! You hold us up every week” is guaranteed to provoke a defensive reaction.
Another way people hide their real positions is by burying them in questions. “Do you intend to say that in public?” is a way of assailing the listening, not gathering information. “I would prefer you not say that in your presentation” is a negative statement, but it clearly recognizes that this is your opinion and not absolute.
Does it feel like fault-finding? It isn’t really. The major difference is in the kind of response you seek to evoke from your listeners.
Adjust Your Communication Style
Everyone has natural communication style. The styles of communication can be empirically broken down into four classes: Directors, Expressers, Thinkers, and Harmonizers. The Straight Talk® communication survey will help you to discover your communication style, as well as the styles of others. You will also find pointers to help make your communication more effective and well-balanced.
When you know your communication style, you will be able to tell what strategies will let you communicate into someone’s “listening space.” Directors, for example, want information in quick, bottom line bullet points. Expressers want a more complete exploration of the various thoughts and proposals. Thinkers want to hear the detailed thinking behind a proposal. And Harmonizers want to know how any plan will affect people.
The most effective communicators tailor their style to fit their audience. By tailoring their style, they help people relax and feel more receptive to what they’re saying. This helps them be more effective leaders and managers. When it is called for, they also point out differences in style to lower tension and alleviate the misunderstandings that can arise from different styles of communication. This does a great deal to build trust.
Use Powerful Listening
Powerful listening is an active skill. A good listener concentrates not just on words, but on understanding the underlying point of view of the other person. Powerful listeners focus on subtle tones, facial expressions and context, and then respond in a way that demonstrates they have heard the speaker’s meaning as well as the words. They listen to understand, not just to figure out how they’re going to make their argument.
One way to be sure you understand exactly what the speaker means, and to communicate your understanding, is by reflecting back to the speaker what you believe he or she is saying. Paraphrasing does not mean just parroting their words. It means restating the speaker’s position in your own words, taking into account the non-verbal signs you see and the tone of voice you hear.
To introduce a paraphrase, you might say “It sounds as if . . .or “I can see that . . .” Paraphrasing is the best way to give an encouraging reply in spite of the fact that you don’t agree. Being able to express the speaker’s position clearly says to the speaker that, even though you disagree with the position, you value him or her enough to listen carefully.
Paraphrasing lets the speaker make his or her position clearer, as well. He could say: “That’s right..” Or he may respond: “You know, let me clarify a bit.” That prepares the ground for a more in-depth conversation in which you will act as facilitator.
Don’t forget that 60 percent of communication doesn’t use words. That is, if you only listen to a speaker’s words, you disregard more than half of the conversation.
It’s not enough to listen; you also must show that you are listening. Keep eye contact, sit forward, nod, use phrases of agreement such as, “I see,” and “Um-hum,”; it can also be useful to take notes when the situation allows. Do not wave at passers-by, lean back with your arms crossed, watch the TV, wear sun glasses, pay attention to external events, or look at your watch. Instead, teach yourself to focus entirely on the communication at hand.
Make Your Communication Data-Driven
Data-driven communication requires that you do two things:
First, you put your own assumptions on the table. “I suppose that we will be affected by these economic hard times just as others in our industry have.”
Next, you seek out missing facts. You inquire: “Does anybody have facts that would help me make my assumptions more accurate?”
When your communication is data-driven, you seek to bring other people’s assumptions and concerns into the conversation. You ask: “Help me understand what you’re thinking. What you assume will being to manifest itself?”
When you’re data-driven, you make sure you bring issues to the table. If there’s an exchange in the hallway that is relevant, you share it with everyone. If you are feeling uncomfortable or confused, you tell those you are with (if you feel that way, others probably do, as well). If you have an issue that you fear to raise because of the possible repercussions, you confer with the chair or someone else who can help you create a strategy.
When you’re data-driven, you use concrete examples and specifics to help people get on the same page. You don’t get mired in generalities; you introduce specific cases that help people understand whether you’re talking about a 2% increase in spending – or a 20% increase.
Finally, when you’re data-driven, you stay humble. You assume that you don’t see things perfectly. You ask for other people’s points of view. You are aware that human beings can fall prey to the “assumption of competence.” You understand that individuals who assume they are competent are usually the least competent of all.
Many studies have shown that “the assumption of competence” is higher in those who are least competent in various activities.
Did you find this information useful? Looking for more concrete illustrations and example cases? Obtain your copy of Eric Douglas’ new leadership book for Leading at Light Speed. This is an essential manual for leaders and groups that want to increase innovation, performance, and build trust.